Sunday, October 29, 2006

Hallowe'en -- The Hilarious Stories

Yes, yes, yes I realize that Hallowe'en isn't for another two days, but lat night it was Hallowe'en out at The Wall, my campus bar. (By the way, how funny is it that the bar of my school is named after a song that says "We don't need no education"?)

Before I begin, I need to get something out of the way. Hallowe'en is my favourite holiday of the year. No stressing out over getting gifts for people, no forced family gatherings, no celebration of materialism, no animal sacrifice, just good old fashion pagan fun. It is a chance to show of creativity, ingenuity, and finding the best deals at Value Village.

I decided that I would celebrate Pope Benedict's least favourite day of the year by dressing as the Tooth Fairy. And here is my description of what I was wearing in a thousand words or less:

Yes, that's me in a tutu. Those of you who know me from my most recent Kodi-summer should not be surprised by this get up, but I think that I turned a few heads here at Nipissing. I had a ton of people gawk at me, a ton of people tell me how much they loved my costume, a ton of people grab at my tutu or my ass (something I'll talk about in a later post...), a ton of pictures taken by people I have never met, and I even had one guy in the bathroom look at me and say "Dude, you've got balls" to which I replied "Yeah, you can see them right now".

Needless to say, the tutu is not designed for people of my particular height or gender. I constantly had to pull the thing up to stop showing off my nipples, and pull it down to stop any irritation to my man parts.

But, I was not the only one being daring in my choice of costume. There were some simply amazing ones out last night. A group of people in my section were MXC competitors. We had a Will Ferrell two for, as I was staring at Ron Burgundy and Robert Goulet at the same time. Speaking of Ferrell, there were a number of people out as contestants on Celebrity Jeopardy, complete with hanging cardboard signs fully decorated with their names on them (my personal favourite was "Turd Ferguson" -- I hope you all get that). There was a group of about six or so people walking around with a full cardboard school bus, a hilarious group of guys wearing swim caps, carrying towels and shirts that said "Ovarian Swim Team" with pictures of sperm on them, and my personal favourite, a guy as Optimus F'n Prime. He had a full blown robot costume made out of cardboard. I wish that I had pictures, because it was that awesome.

Oh, yeah there were also a ton of girls in short skirts and high socks or fishnets...did I mention that I love Hallowe'en?

As per a usual bar night, my evening was spent on the dance floor, with the occasional breath for fresh air and socializing. Now while I was up to all of this, I was separated from my group, and well the jerks left without me. They thought that I was off getting picked up. Now, normally this would not be a problem, except that I live quite far from the bar so we were planning on splitting a cab back. And even worse, since a tutu doesn't have pockets, a friend of mine was holding my bank card and money.

There I was, stuck at the bar, no money, no bank card, no ride and in a fucking tutu. Luckily, I bumped into my friend Shane (dressed in hilarious caveman attire) who happened to have a spare pair of pants among the pelts that he was wearing. So that had one part of my problem covered. Also, lucky for me there is something at Nipissing called the "Drunk Bus", which is a hilarious concept really. An old guy drives a school bus from campus (which is totally isolated from the rest of the town at the top of a hill) down to the student ghetto. Before we go any further allow me to establish a few facts:

Fact the First: Last night was disgustingly busy at the bar
Fact the Second: School buses have a limited capacity
Fact the Third: Drunk people are jerks

As a result of this, the trip on the Drunk Bus was an interesting one to say the least. First off, as a result of Facts the First and Second I missed the bus twice (shades of Kriss Kross). Then, when the amount of people waiting for said bus started to grow I decided to sneak my way to the front of the throng of people, this is were Fact the Third comes into play. Once the bus arrived, all of the drunks converged around the door to and began to push and shove. I felt myself getting crushed by the weight of everyone as they all pushed forward. At this point I understood why people commit random acts of violence. With the combination of my chest being crushed and the terrible B.O. of everyone I elected to stop breathing. After I was nice and gentlemanly and let a few people in front of me, I decided to take the George Bush approach to things. Stop being diplomatic, and start acting. I ducked under a couple of people's arms and pushed a few more out of the way and boarded the great yellow chariot.

While riding this bus I was serenaded by a group of girls singing "It's Always Better with a Ho" (to the tune, of "A Great Big Moose", one of my campfire specialties) which included such classy lines as "There was a girl in pink, who liked to take it in the stink". After what seemed like an unending amount of verses to this song we arrived at the end of the line, The Lucky 13 Convenience Store.

I realize now that there is one fact that I have yet to mention. I live in North Bay. As a result, it was snowing.

So I need to walk to my friend Melissa's place where my car is parked so I can get home. Before any of you start to gasp or worry, I had two beer all night, which had been hours before at this point. I had also had several glasses of water at the bar, and I learned that the combination of the crisp pre-winter air, the stress of not knowing where your friends are, and getting pushed around by a drunken mob does wonders to sober a person up.

Since it is snowing and so desperately cold (I think that my legs would have fallen off if not for Shane lending me his pants) I try and figure out a short cut to Melissa's. This of course backfires and I have to wander around lost for a bit trying to find my car. I felt like I was in a bad Ashton Kutcher movie. Eventually I find it, wipe off my car and drive back through the wonderous snow.

After dropping a few people off I return home at 3am (thank the Lord for the time change, or else it would have been really late!!!). I am so tired, and hungry, and freezing that I drop my keys a good three times trying to unlock my door. I get in, change into my pajamas, and eat some left over pizza and crash for a good eight hours of well earned rest. (I didn't even mention all of the poker and Ultimate Frisbee I had been playing all day leading up to this!!!)

When I wake up in the morning I soon discovered that in my hurry for rest and warmth I had left my keys in the door all night. Good thing I had taken my tutu off or else I could have been taken advantage of!!!

So that was my hilarious Hallowe'en Epic. Anyone out there have one that compares?

Until next time,


Friday, October 27, 2006

Random Acts of Glenness, Version I

Here are 67 Random Facts about me. Why 67 you ask? Because that's all I could think of right now!!! I'm sure there will be more of these coming out later on...enjoy

1. My favourite Star Wars Character is Bobba Fett
2. If I could have lunch with any one person in time it would be Dr. Seuss
3. For all that I bitched about Wolfville and Acadia. I kind of miss it now
4. For all that I bitched while in Scotland, I kind of miss that too
5. I'm a lot happier in North Bay than I thought I would be
6. I get really angry when people try and tell me that Captain Picard is better than Kirk
7. I firmly believe in the existence of the soul
8. I think that "Jolene" by Cake is an unappreciated act of musical genius
9. I love maple syrup in my coffee
10. I refer to myself as a slactivist
11. Worst thing I've ever done: Told someone I love them when I really didn't
12. Leonardo is my favourite Ninja Turtle with Raphael in distant second
13. I genuinely believe that I am the happiest person that I know
14. I cried when I watched The Notebook
15. I hate it when people talk badly about any of my ex-girlfriends
16. Someday I want to open my own school
17. I hate those Live Strong bracelets.
18. If I were to ever get a tattoo it would be a Superman logo on my chest
19. When I was younger, Darkwing Duck was my favourite show
20. My baby blankets name is 'ah-ha'
21. A History lesson on Supporting Hitler, totally changed my life
22. I like long walks on the beach
23. I have a 1977 DC Comics pillow case
24. I think that has some of the funniest videos I have ever seen
25. I think that the education system in this country sucks
26. My first Science Experiment: Walking off the bed and not looking down to see if I would fall or not
27. I fell
28. The New Radicals are the most unjust 1 Hit Wonders of all time
29. I really like Chai Tea
30. When I look back at how I was a few years ago, I want to slap me
31. I think that you should never look for love, it will find you
32. My Voice Changing Darth Vader helmet is my most prized possession
33. I wore it to watch Star Wars Episode III too embarrass my friends
34. It worked
35. I wish that I was better at keeping in touch with people
36. I secretly hate people who I consider smarter than me
37. While I like strawberries better than raspberries, I like raspberry jam better
38. I believe that the moon landing was real
39. When I read the newspaper I either go for the Sports or the front page first
40. I consider the I Love You speech in Chasing Amy to be one of the most amazing scenes in movie history
41. I like Shakira's songs
42. My number one celebrity crush is Drew Barrymore
43. Pretentious people really piss me off
44. I consider going to Belfast the most educational experience of my life
45. I think that I could make a great teacher someday
46. My number one fear is getting crushed by the weight of the world
47. I dance in the kitchen by myself all the time
48. Crunchy Peanut Butter kicks Smooth’s ass
49. Sometimes I obsess over my iTunes Play Count
50. I have only ever held a gun once, and I never shot it
51. I would much rather be the inside spoon
52. Nobody makes me laugh more than I do
53. For a smart guy, I make some really stupid decisions
54. I don’t think that there is a “type” of woman that I go for
55. I check my e-mail a good fifty times a day
56. I get stage fright
57. Sometimes I can’t stop laughing at myself
58. I think that a smile is any woman’s most attractive feature
59. The small of the back is a close second
60. I hardly ever remember my dreams
61. 2006 has been the most educational year of my life
62. If I had a million dollars, I would buy you a green dress…but not a real green dress, that’s cruel
63. I like to write poetry
64. Aladdin is my favourite Disney Movie
65. I haven’t thrown a punch since Grade School
66. I can throw a Frisbee behind my back
67. I have a scar between my eyes

Some Insights Into My Twisted Mind, Volume I

Alright, it's time I let a secret out. I am super addicted to personality tests. I am always amazed at how incredibly accurate some of them can be. So to nurture this love, I have started what I hope to be the first of a semi-regular feature here on Getting Glenergized, where I take some random on-line personality test and post the results on here.

The first instalment is a great test from to see which famous leader I am. I must say, I'm not at all surprised with the results.

Especially that bit about being a "Social Chameleon" and needing to be the centre of attention. I guess even an impersonal on-line test can read me loud and clear. Kind of depressing when you stop and think about it.

Ahh well, if I really am Clinton, at least I get to ream out that douche bag Chris Wallace!!!! Speaking of which, I hope that each and every one of you have seen that interview. It is truly awesome. If not, well here are the three parts:

and lastly....

So awesome. Bill is cool. He'll make a great First Lady someday.

Anywho, I hope that some of the rest of you take that awesome test, I'm interested in seeing how many of you out there are Gandhis, Mother Teresas, Che Guevaras, or Adolf Hitlers.

Until next time,


Welcome All

Friday, October 27, 2006...a day which will live in infamy. I have officially joined the blogosphere. I don't so much have a concept, theme, or general idea as to what to have here but rest assured it should be filled with awesomeness.

Tune in to find out!!!