Friday, March 02, 2007

Freud Would Have a Field Day with Me

Ever since I watched Waking Life for a second time a few weeks ago I have been thinking a lot about Lucid Dreams. For those of you have not seen Waking Life it is a really strange but amazing movie about a guy stuck in a dream who keeps jumping around and discovers more and more about life and the nature of the Universe. There is very little in the way of plot that goes on, but it is well worth watching I say.

One of the things that they say in the movie is that in dreams digital clocks are usually unreadable. A sure way to know that you are dreaming. A few days ago in my dream I noticed that a clock was acting strange and I realized that I was dreaming, but then promptly woke up. Since then, I have been hoping to have another Lucid Dream and see if I could control them in some way.

This morning, once I found out it was a Snow Day, I promptly went back to bed, and my wishes were answered. In my dream, I was at my grandparent's old house in Brampton. I was lying in bed and woke up, I thought that the snow day was a dream and that I should get ready for school. Then I thought something else very strange, I was in face back in 2003 and was about to start my first day working at Kodiak (I stayed at my grandparent's place the night before I went to Camp for the first time). I had thought that the last four years of my life had just been a dream. No Kodiak, no graduation, no working for Acadia, no moving to Scotland, no Teacher's College, it was all a dream. I was devastated, I wanted to have lived the life that I thought that I did, and while I have had some difficulties over the years, the positives far outweighed the negatives. I soon realized that I was in fact dreaming at that point, but I needed to know for sure. I used every fibre of my being to wake myself up.

Lucky for me, there I was lying in my bed at my father's place at 9:30 or so. The clock was fully readable so I realized that I was wide awake.

Needless to say I was quite relieved. I don't remember when I have ever been so scared as I was when I thought that my life hadn't happened. I have dreamt about getting shot, or having people in my family die, or having my heart broken, but that doesn't compare to not living at all.

I don't really have much in the way of a moral or point of this story, other than the fact that I am relieved that I have in fact lived my life and it hasn't all been a dream. But if it has all been a dream, I hope I don't wake up anytime soon.

Until next time,


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